by Izzy Small

Isn't it just the cutest thing to see little girls and boys dressed up just like their adult counterparts in a wedding party? It would bring a smile to the lips of even the most jaded of your guests!

And isn't it just maddening when small children in a wedding party forget what they are supposed to do and mess up the ceremony? Oh yes, there is nothing like the sound of a child wailing in church on a solemn occasion?

How is it possible to enjoy the charm and warmth of including children in your wedding ceremony while avoiding disaster? Here are a few hints.

FLOWER GIRL AND RING BEARER
If you decide to add in these lovely traditions to your wedding party, choose carefully and spend extra time with them at the rehearsal.

The flower girl may carry a basket of flower petals to sprinkle down the aisle, or flowers to be passed out to the women seated near aisle.

She should be dressed in a way to complement either the bride or in a tiny version of the bridesmaids' gowns.

The ring bearer may either escort the flower girl down the aisle, or follow her, with the rings on a pillow. (In the case of the rings on the pillow, make sure to attach the rings to the pillow with safety pins! Round rings have a tendency to roll into unobtainable places.)

He should be dressed to either complement the flower girl's attire or in a tiny version of the ushers' garb. Those tiny tuxedos have gained much popularity in recent years.

Give careful consideration to the ages of these members of the party. Although you may be tempted to consider the youngest members of your families for these positions because it would be so cute, be sure they can handle the responsibilites. Ages 4 to 10 seem to be a good guideline: any younger, it's a wild card; any older, they would be more comfortable in the role of Junior Attendant. (There are always excepetions, of course. We recently saw a 14 month old boy, in a tux, no less, get all the way down the aisle by himself without a hitch. It definitely depends on the child.

Make sure you have the cooperation of at least one of the child's parents, someone on whom you can rely to keep the child calm and on schedule, or intervene if something goes wrong.

JUNIOR BRIDESMAIDS AND USHERS

This category is to create a special place in your wedding party for kids who are too old to be flower girls or ring bearers (3-10 years old), but too young to participate in all of the rituals of the adult honor attendants - in other words, pre-teens and teens (11 to 15 years old).

The only standard role of these kids would be to join the processional, alone, or in pairs. Depending on the age and reliability of the child, their roles may be expanded to include some of the other duties of the wedding party, especially at the reception. They can act as go-fers and messengers, for instance, and feel like they're a really important part of the proceedings. As with the younger kids, it all depends on the child. You don't want the older teens sneaking drinks from the bar or sneaking off the premises. Make sure they can handle the responsibilities because as part of the wedding party, they will be not be under the watchful eye of their parents, but more under your guidance, which as everyone knows, will mean that they'll basically be on their own.

They should be dressed the same as the bridesmaids and ushers, however, if there are financial considerations, a nice dress and a suit are perfectly acceptable these days.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
As with anything, children need more practice than adults. Plenty of rehearsal will relieve any anxiety on the part of the child (and yours, too) and answer any an all questions concerning their roles.

If you have your heart set on participation by a child but you are too newvous to go through with it, here are a couple of options for you to consider:
1. Have the child light the candles (with adult assistance, of course) just before the processional after everyone is seated.
2. Have the child (or children) passing out the favors at the end of the reception line.

And if you are still too nervous about delegating any responsibilities to a child, you might consider simply dressing some of the children as members of the wedding party. This will certainly draw much attention to the child and make him/her feel special, but it eliminates the duties.

FOND MEMORIES
If you do decide to include children in the wedding party and/or ceremony proper, you must remember that even with the best behaved, most reliable child, things can go wrong. A last minute case of stomach butterflies might crop up and send your ring bearer flying down the aisle or your flower girl into tears. But most often, these occurences lighten up a situation, and if nothing else, it will sure give you and your guests something to remember!

This wonderful tradition is something to continue and most of the time, everything goes as smooth as silk and you'll be glad you did.